Do you enjoy engaging in small talk?  What do I mean by small talk?  Social chit-chat, talking about the weather, or things that range from not interesting through to mildly interesting…  the kind of dialogue you may engage in at the beginning of a “real” conversation. 

Over time, the meaning of the term small talk has evolved to refer to any casual conversation about unimportant or superficial topics. Today, small talk is considered an important social skill that can help people build rapport and establish relationships, but it can also be seen as trivial or superficial.

For some, small talk is a big deal.  It provides an opportunity to build familiarity and trust, and invest in the relationship.  For others, it can feel like a contrived, waste of time, completely pointless and disingenuous.

Small talk varies greatly among diverse cultures, as it is shaped by the social norms, values, and beliefs of a community.  In some cultures, small talk is highly valued and serves to build relationships and show politeness.

For example, in Japan, it is customary to engage in small talk before getting down to business, and topics such as the weather, food, and family are often used to establish rapport.  In other cultures, such as in many parts of Europe, small talk may be seen as superficial and unnecessary. People may prefer to get straight to the point in the conversation, and engaging in too much small talk may be perceived as a waste of time.  In some cultures, personal topics such as family, religion, and politics are considered taboo and should be avoided in small talk. For example, in China, it is considered impolite to ask personal questions or talk about sensitive topics in social situations. In other cultures, personal topics may be more acceptable in small talk. For example, in the United States, it is common to ask people about their hobbies, interests, and personal experiences as a way of getting to know them better.  These are generalisations only. 

Different cultures have different expectations and levels of tolerance for small talk.  One thing I wholeheartedly believe is that for leaders, small talk is a big issue. Whilst small talk may seem insignificant, the time invested in sharing something of a more personal nature (without venturing into the land of the over-sharer) is an important way for humans to develop a sense of trust in each other, leading to big talk dialogue and discussion content.   When I find out a little more about the person I am speaking to and working with, it gives me information that I can then subliminally synthesise before deciding to what extent I can trust the person. 

It is this ability to connect, that makes us unique as humans.  And I think that’s a big thing.

If small talk frustrates you, I encourage you to think about the long-term benefits that it can bring.  Trust and connection are fundamentals for any relationship.  There isn’t anything small about that.

Think of small talk as a precursor to big talk.  You may even enjoy it.

Rita Cincotta writes, mentors, and speaks on individual and team performance, leadership development, resilience, and new ways of working. She works with organisations to develop human centred solutions that help people and businesses to thrive.