As a facilitator, I often get to experience great moments of insight and awareness with teams.  Often these moments come about when we are trying to unlock a blockage.  Communication and working styles are often at play when a team is stuck.   

How many times have you completed one of those personality questionnaires and been asked questions about whether you are more introverted or extroverted?

The first time I ever did one of these tests, I was 22 years old.  It was the Myers Briggs Type Indicator.

My result on whether I was an introvert, or an extrovert was right in the middle.   This is also known as an ambivert.   At the time, this surprised me.  I was sure I was an extrovert.  I was happy to chat with people, socialise, and express my opinion, and I was always happy to take the lead on things.  Surely that made me an extrovert rather than an introvert.  Fast forward a couple of decades, and many more tests, and generally, my result was more slightly more extroverted than introverted.  I guess it made sense.  As I became accredited in a couple of personality profiling diagnostic tools, I learned more about how the terms introvert and extrovert can be applied and I found more useful definitions.   

My definition of what is an introvert and what is an extrovert has changed throughout the years.  

Whilst the dictionary defines an introvert as a “shy, reticent person” and an extrovert as an “outgoing, socially confident person”. I prefer to think about these words in terms of where we source our energy. If time alone, doing whatever you like fills your cup, perhaps you identify more with being an introvert.  If attending a party or being around people leaves you feeling energised then perhaps you identify more with being an extrovert.  Or perhaps, like me, it’s sometimes either, sometimes neither, and sometimes a bit of both.

As a leader, the more you know your team, the better chance you have of demonstrating empathy, motivating them, and building a quality relationship.  If you have the opportunity as a team to use diagnostic tools, they are a great way to get to know each other in a fairly quick way. When you know your team in a deeper way.

A little while ago, I was facilitating for a group that wanted to develop a deeper understanding of themselves as individuals and as a team.   I used the Clarity 4D tool to help them do this.  One of the exercises I facilitated was about developing a deeper understanding of different personalities in the team.  I asked those with a higher introvert score to stand on one side of the room, and those with a higher extrovert score to stand on the other side.  The brief for each group was to come up with questions that they really wanted to ask, “the other side”.

Well, the questions flowed, and the conversation was enlightening.   These questions illuminated areas of bias and misunderstanding for both sides.  It dispelled mindsets they had about those that were different to them, and it deepened trust and connection in the team. 

I have run this exercise several times with different groups, and over those times, I have collated the questions that have emerged.  Here they are:

Questions from the introverts

“How do you enjoy being around people so much?”

“Do you ever feel the need for solitude or time alone?”

“What energizes you the most in social situations?”

“How do you handle small talk and networking with ease?”

“Do you ever find it difficult to slow down and take time for yourself?”

“How do you navigate large gatherings or parties without feeling overwhelmed?”

“What strategies do you use to maintain social connections and friendships?”

“Are you ever afraid of missing out on quiet moments or personal reflection?”

“How do you handle conflicts or disagreements in a group setting?”

“Do you ever feel the need to adapt or become more introverted in certain situations?”

Questions from the extroverts

“Why are you so quiet?”

“Don’t you get lonely being alone so much?”

“Are you just shy?”

“How do you recharge or regain energy?”

“Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on social activities?”

“Why don’t you speak up more in group discussions?”

“Don’t you find it exhausting to be around people?”

“What do you do for fun if you’re not out socializing?”

“How can I include you more in group activities without overwhelming you?”

“Do you ever feel like you need to change or become more extroverted?”

To gain a deeper understanding of your colleagues, you may not ask these questions, however, these questions may provide some insights for you in appreciating different styles and create the opportunity for deeper connections in your team.

Rita Cincotta coaches, facilitates, and speaks on individual and team performance, leadership development and ways of working. She works with organisations to develop human-centred solutions that help people and businesses to thrive.