I have two very serious questions for you…

Do you let someone know if they have parsley or some other bit of lunch stuck in their teeth?

Does it matter if you know them or not? 

Your willingness to share this with someone says a lot about you and a lot about the relationship if you know them.  If you don’t know them and you tell them, you are a fantastic human.  Extra points for you.

We’ve all been in that situation at some point where we have a choice about whether we give someone feedback.  If we don’t give them feedback, they may not be aware that they have parsley in their teeth.  If we do give them feedback, they can make a choice about what they do next.  Hopefully, attend to the parsley of course!

In leadership, our blind spots can really hold us back.  IF we have limited self-awareness and our team and or colleagues are unwilling or if they feel unable to provide the feedback, we can’t do anything about attending to the parsley.

People will be much more willing to give you feedback if you have the following.

1.Trust in the relationship

You have a good balance of trust in your shared trust account.  You have steadily been building this together, and you are comfortable providing feedback to each other  There is no fear or concern about providing the feedback.  You have both provided feedback to each other and it has been well received, so you continue when and as required.

2. You care about each other

You care about your colleagues and they care about you.  You want to help the person, and you know they’ll help you.  There is genuine and reciprocated care.  If you notice something that is impacting their ability to perform and achieve, you’ll let them know and you know that they would do the same for you.

3. You are both gracious feedback receivers

You have had to deliver what might at times appear to be difficult feedback, but it has always been received graciously, with openness and curiosity.  The person is willing to explore and understand the impact of their behaviour and actions, and you offer the same.

4. You know how to communicate well

You value open dialogue and feedback in a relationship, which makes you an excellent listener and speaker.   You demonstrate openness in your body language which makes it easy for people to provide you feedback.

5. You ask great questions

Your ability to ask great questions means that the conversation feels open and easy.  You are willing to explore and learn more about your blind spots.  The questions you ask invite dialogue and are not defensive or accusatory.

6. You see failure as positive

Failure or a misstep is an opportunity to learn more and therefore you are grateful for the perceived failure.  When something doesn’t go to plan you can improve, see it from someone else’s perspective and understand what you can do differently next time.

Our blind spots provide an opportunity to increase our self-awareness, ultimately making us more emotionally intelligent and most importantly better leaders.  Next time you spot parsley in someone’s teeth, let them know.  It’s the right thing to do.

Rita Cincotta writes, mentors, and speaks on individual and team performance, leadership development, resilience and new ways of working. She works with organisations to develop human centred solutions that help people and businesses to thrive.