It’s usually around this time approaching mid-year that we may be thinking about a mid-year check-in or review with our team members. Giving feedback can be a terrific or terrible experience depending on many factors such as who you are providing the feedback to, their willingness to hear the feedback, how you deliver it, and the message you are providing.
Providing positive feedback is usually a welcome task. You benefit from the flow of the feel-good hormone, dopamine, as much as the person you are giving the feedback to. Research backs that along with regulating pleasure, dopamine also plays a significant role in regulating motivation, resulting in individuals being more likely to initiate and persevere in undertaking challenging and easy tasks. Conversely, providing what is perceived as negative feedback may have you sweating for days! Hard messages are just that… hard. Providing hard or challenging feedback reoccurs again and again in the leadership programs I deliver as being one of the toughest parts of the leadership role. So how can we deliver this feedback in a way that is still constructive, inspiring, well-received, and in a way that won’t damage the relationship?
- Check your trust balances with your team members.
How much trust do you have in the trust accounts you share with your team members, collectively and individually? We all know how accounts work. You can’t take anything out if there isn’t anything in the account to withdraw. If you have a low trust balance, you won’t have much trust to withdraw or, in this case, utilise to maximise the chance of the person hearing your feedback. Keep your trust balances healthy.
- Ensure you have your empathy set to on all the time
All the time? Yes. Empathy is a core trait of leadership. Without it, you are likely to struggle to really feel and understand what your team members may be feeling and therefore not consider how they may receive the feedback you need to provide. Demonstrating empathy is about really feeling and connecting with what the other person is going through. If you haven’t been exposed to what they are going through, ask some gentle questions that help you genuinely deepen your understanding of their situation.
- Use a model to help you frame the feedback
One of my favourites is the GROW model. This kind of structure can help to frame your message. This is the GROW model:
- Goal – What’s the purpose of the feedback? What is the goal that needs to be achieved? What needs to change?
- Reality of the situation – Here, you help the person you provide feedback to understand the current situation. You might provide examples that help them see what you or others see/observe.
- Options – What are some options that can be explored to address the feedback you are providing?
- Way forward- Where to from here? What are the next steps? How will you support the person?
- Consistency of providing feedback often.
Providing feedback often and consistently will reduce the apprehension you may feel in delivering feedback. This also applies to the person receiving it. The more we do it, the more comfortable we become. Don’t leave the feedback until mid-year or end of year appraisal time. Your team needs this from you more often. Aim for weekly feedback of some type. Even an observation that you can share will help your team members build their own awareness around their performance. Check your ratio of positive to negative feedback. Try and balance where possible.
- Feedback is a two-way street – be open to receiving feedback.
You can’t be the only one giving feedback, even if you are the leader. Creating a feedback culture where all team members feel comfortable providing feedback to each other will build massive amounts of trust in your team’s trust account. It will also help to build relationships, increase performance, and help the team be tuned into the team’s health. Ask your team for feedback often. Be gracious in how you receive it. Show them you are acting upon it. This will encourage your team to feel that giving feedback is worthwhile.
Providing difficult feedback will likely always be a tough part of leadership. Still, if we can connect with the opportunities it provides to the person if delivered well, it makes it easier and perhaps even something we might look forward to.
Rita Cincotta writes, mentors, and speaks on individual and team performance, leadership development, resilience and new ways of working. She works with organisations to develop human centred solutions that help people and businesses to thrive.