A post dedicated to International Womens’ day 2022, The theme this year is #BreaktheBias

Recently I was speaking to a colleague.  She was frustrated.  Tired of the pressure she felt to get everything done.  Attend to the family’s needs, her work, and then whatever else needed attention in the little time she had. 

“I wish I had my husband’s life.” she said. 

“Why?” I asked.

“He seems to be able to stay on top of his work, without the added pressures of everything else.” She replied.

“Why do you think he does that?”  I asked. 

“Because he can.” She replied. 

She paused and looked away; her head tilted slightly up to the right.  Her eyes looked up.  She was quietly thinking for a moment and then started talking again.

“I’ve made it too easy for too long. I have almost run myself into the ground by being on top of everything.  He won’t step in, contribute and help with anything outside of his work unless I specifically ask. And if I am always doing everything, why would he jump in?  He has a great life.  Work, playing with the kids, and downtime.  Never rushing to take kids to activities, stay on top of meals and washing, the list goes on.”

She paused again.  Looking away she assumed that same thinking pose she had only moments earlier.  This time, it seemed that an insight that unlocked the answer to her puzzle had appeared.  She looked directly at me, and said, “I need to break my own bias”. 

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“If I don’t break the bias that has been created in our family where I do all the additional stuff that no one else will do, I won’t see any difference.  I’ll continue to be overloaded, exhausted and resentful.  I don’t want to feel like this anymore.  I can’t.”

“So what will you do?” I asked

“I think I need to have a serious chat with him.” She said.

“This is so ironic,” she added.  Globally women are trying to break the bias and I have to do it right in my own house.”

“Maybe not so ironic.”  I offered.  “There would be many millions of women globally in the same position.  And if they could all individually start to break the biases that exist for them on a personal level, we are more likely to achieve the elusive change we are all collectively seeking.”

“Absolutely.”  She said.  “I need to do this.  I need to do it for me. I need to break habits and roles that we have assumed.”

“I think the whole break the bias thing has to start at an individual and family level.  I think that is when we will see real change”.  I said

“I’ll let you know how it goes.” She said. 

This year’s theme for International Women’s Day is “Break the Bias”.  We have a good idea of where bias exists in society and in our workplaces.  However, do we know what biases exist at an individual and personal level? Only when we start to change them at this level, can we achieve the change we are seeking for a fairer world for everyone.

Rita Cincotta writes, mentors, and speaks on individual and team performance, leadership development, resilience and new ways of working. She works with organisations to develop human-centered solutions that help people and businesses to thrive.